see how bright we shine
by roane
Summary: Because nobody says goodbye—possibly forever—to their lifelong best friend with just a handshake and a "so long".


The cool night air on Tatooine hadn't yet reached Luke's bedroom, and he tossed irritably, unable to go to sleep. Tomorrow Biggs would be leaving for his new post and after that he was going to join the rebellion. Luke may never see him again.

Luke replayed the conversation he had with Biggs over and over again in his mind, trying to figure out if he should have said something different.

 _I'm leaving in the morning._

 _Then I guess I won't see you._

 _Maybe someday... I'll keep a lookout… So long, Luke._

He should have said something then. _Wait_ , he should have said. _Let's do something tonight before you leave_. But he didn't. So here he was, useless as ever.

Maybe it was just as well. What would he have said? _I missed you_ —he'd said that much. _Don't leave without me_. How could he tell Biggs about the way his heart had expanded in his chest when Luke had seen him today? About how long he'd been feeling this way? When Biggs had left for the Academy, Luke had hoped, deep down, that this… mess of feelings he had would subside. That he could go back to just seeing Biggs as his best friend.

Seeing Biggs today—it was worse than ever. Luke had been vibrating with awareness every time Biggs was within a meter of him (which was the entire time—neither of them ever had any sense of personal space), every time he grabbed Luke by the shoulder. It wasn't fair that Biggs was so self-assured, so… blasted gorgeous, with his dark hair and eyes and that smile that sometimes made Luke feel like he was the only person in the galaxy.

 _This is stupid._ Luke kicked off the light coverlet on his bed and sat up, scrubbing his hands through his hair. There was no way he was going to get any sleep, not unless he managed to clear his head. He pulled the day's clothes back on and tugged on his boots, moving quietly through the house so as not to wake up his aunt and uncle. His speeder sat in the maintenance bay, but he didn't dare start it near the house. Old as it was, it was loud enough to shake the walls at times. He wasn't completely careless—it was the middle of the night and Tatooine wasn't the safest place in broad daylight. He grabbed a rifle from the rack nearby and tossed it in the speeder before pushing it outside.

A safe distance from the house he climbed in the speeder and started it up. He didn't have a destination in mind first, just _away_. He pushed the speeder as fast as it would go, heading southwest. The wind rushing past his face helped, a little. After his head cleared, he realized he did have a destination.

The desert landscape was almost as bright as day, two of Tatooine's three moons full overhead, and he could see the old krayt dragon skeleton ahead. A lot of the kids used to play there when they were younger, but through the years everyone filtered away until Luke and Biggs were the only two who still remembered it. That made it theirs.

The skeleton, bleached clean, sat high on a ridge. There were only a few paths to the top, and Luke knew all of them. From up here he could see far off in every direction. It was easy to feel part of something bigger here. To feel like you mattered in the universe.

Luke found his favorite spot and sprawled on his back, looking up at the sky through the dragon's ribs, at the stars barely visible in the moonglow. He could almost fall asleep—but he knew better, that really would be asking for trouble from Tatooine's night time predators, sentient or otherwise. Still, he drifted, then heard the sound of an approaching speeder. He sat up, fighting the urge to get to his feet. If, by chance, it was someone unfriendly, he'd be easier to spot if he stood up.

He knew that speeder almost as well as he knew his own. How many hours had he spent under it, fixing this or that? _It might not be him_. Which was a dumb thought, because who else would be out here at this time of night? Luke's heart hammered against his ribs, and for a moment he wished he'd put on something decent, or at least done something to—too late now. All he could do was run a hand over his mess of hair and hope for the best.

As soon as the speeder's engine cut out, Biggs called up: "Luke? You there? Gotta be you, nobody else has a scrap heap like this."

Luke stood up, laughing. "Hey, watch it, that scrap heap beat you the last time we raced." For a just a moment, it felt normal, like Luke had never caught himself looking at Biggs and wondering how it would feel to kiss him.

Biggs scrambled up the slope. He'd changed out of the formal clothes he'd been wearing at Tosche Station and into practical farmer's clothes. He looked more like the boy Luke had grown up with, and less like the man the Empire had trained.

It took Luke a few heartbeats to find his voice. "What are you doing here? I figured you'd be with your folks."

Biggs shrugged, giving Luke a quick, careless one-armed hug before letting him go. "They finally went to bed. I couldn't sleep. My transport leaves early tomorrow, and I just couldn't keep my eyes closed. What are you doing here?"

"Couldn't sleep either."

They settled in the sand where Luke had been sprawled, companionably close—close enough that Luke could feel the warmth of Biggs's leg against his. Luke sat cross-legged on the ground, plucking at pebbles, looking everywhere but at Biggs.

"I'm glad," Biggs said, after a pause. "I felt bad for how we said goodbye earlier. We should've planned for something like this."

"You're really not ever coming back, are you?"

"I don't know." He sounded surprised, as if the thought had just occurred to him. He said it again, quieter this time. "I don't know. Don't imagine the Alliance has much in the way of leave time—plus with having to stay hidden… I won't be able to contact anybody."

"What are you gonna do if you can't find them?"

"I'll find them."

Luke looked up in time to see the flinty light in Biggs's eyes. Until right now, talk of the Empire and the Alliance had been so distant, something that happened on other worlds, to other people. Sitting here, looking at Biggs, Luke realized just how high the stakes were. There was a war, and Biggs was planning to go fight in it. If Luke never heard from him again, it might be because he was in hiding. It might be because the Empire killed him. Luke would never know what happened.

That uncertainty sat like a stone on his chest, crushing the breath out of him.

They fell quiet for a few moments, then Biggs reached over and gave Luke's shoulder a shove. "What about you? Are you really going to let your uncle keep you here?"

Luke glanced up and gave him a little smile, only to find Biggs focusing on him with intense eyes. "He's not trying to keep me here, he just—" But Luke knew better. He'd heard the half-finished conversations that ended when he walked into a room, the sometimes worried looks Aunt Beru gave him. They were afraid of something, and they wouldn't tell him what.

"Yeah, I don't think you believe that for a minute."

"I'll find you, you wait." Luke tried to smile. "Me and you. We can fight the Empire together."

"You really mean that, skyboy?" Biggs raised his eyebrows, a brilliant smile dawning on his face. "Cause the way you've been sticking around here, I figured, I don't know, maybe you'd found somebody you'd be willing to stay on a farm for."

"Only person I'd stay on Tatooine for is leaving tomorrow." It came out of Luke's mouth before he could think about it.

"That's funny." Biggs glanced away, but he was still smiling. That smile of his. Luke's insides were turning flips at the way the moonlight—lucky moonlight—touched him. "Who else is taking off, anybody I know?"

Luke threw pebbles off the edge of the ridge, unable to sit still. "Come on, you know what I mean."

"Maybe I don't. Maybe you need to spell it out for me." Biggs hadn't stopped smiling, but his expression shifted, a little more sly, the way he got when he was about to issue some sort of challenge.

"Ah, never mind." Luke started to stand up, but Biggs snagged him by the wrist and pulled him back down.

"You know you can tell me anything, Luke." He didn't let go of Luke yet, even though he managed to pull Luke back down to the sand. "So tell me."

"I'm going to miss you, is all," Luke said, digging into the sand with the toe of one boot.

"That's all? Are you sure?" Biggs's hand slipped down to cover Luke's, and Luke's ears were burning. He was afraid to look at Biggs, not sure what he'd see.

"And—and I'll try to come find you after the Academy."

"Luke." Biggs's voice sounded much closer now. Luke looked up to find him just inches away. "I'm glad you came out here, do you know why?"

"Why?" His voice was quieter than he planned, all the air sucked out of his lungs by the light in Biggs's eyes.

"Cause I thought a long time about how I wanted to say goodbye to you—if I had to say goodbye." Closer still now: Luke could see the ridiculously thick fringe of his eyelashes dip down, his eyes resting on Luke's mouth.

"How?" Was this actually happening? He half-expected to wake up in his bed any minute now. He was afraid to breathe too hard for fear of breaking the spell.

Biggs lifted his eyes from Luke's mouth to his eyes again, and Luke fought a shiver at what he saw. It was a look he'd only seen in those dreams, waking or otherwise, those beautiful dark eyes alight and focused on _him_ so intently he almost looked away. He couldn't, though, nothing could pull him away right now, not while they were both here, the distance between them closing without either of them seeming to move.

At first there was just a whisper of Biggs's breath against Luke's lips, warm and moist in the cool night air, then Luke couldn't keep his eyes open a second longer. Whole civilizations could have risen and fallen in those endless seconds. He waited for the warmth against his lips to be more than just breath, and finally, _finally_ , there was a soft, sweet pressure against his mouth, a tickle against his upper lip.

The kiss was as warm and innocent as the morning sun, and over much too quickly. Luke fluttered his eyes open reluctantly, surprised to see the world still looking like it did before. He swallowed quickly. "That didn't feel like goodbye."

Biggs grinned. "That was just hello." He scooted over closer so they were still side by side, but now their legs were pressing against each other in the sand. He paused, uncharacteristically uncertain. "I mean—if you—"

"Yes." Luke leaned in and kissed him again before he could ask a stupid question. This one he made last. He raised his hand to cup Biggs's cheek, running his thumb over his cheekbone. Biggs made a soft, desperate sound and wrapped his arms around Luke's waist, pulling him in tight. The kiss deepened, their mouths opening, getting more bold. Before long, Luke was dizzy and had to stop, resting his forehead against Biggs's to catch his breath.

"Damn, hotshot," Biggs breathed. "You don't know how long I've wanted to do that."

"Why didn't you? Not like I've been hard to find."

"I know." Biggs put his arm around Luke's shoulder and drew him close, and Luke settled against him to listen, trying to still the quivering in his guts. "Just never seemed right. I'm older, I knew I'd be going away before you did and plus…" He glanced down at Luke and kissed his forehead gently. "Wasn't sure you were thinking the same thing. You're my best friend, kid, that was too important to mess up."

"What changed? I mean, I'm not complaining," Luke teased, planning just to lean up and kiss Biggs on the cheek, but Biggs intercepted him and they lost another minute or two in each other.

Biggs sighed, his eyes glowing down at Luke. If he could pick a moment to live in forever, Luke would pick this one, right here and now, with Biggs looking at him like that. "Honestly? You told me first—sorta." He playfully poked Luke in the side, but then his eyes grew serious. "I also couldn't—I didn't want to—" He stopped, taking a deep breath. "If something happens, if I don't come back, I didn't want to go without you knowing how I feel about you."

"But you were going to." _'If I don't come back'—don't think about that, don't think about that now._

"And it would've been the biggest mistake of my life." The sincerity on Biggs's face was so deep it hurt to see. Luke went up on his knees to face him, to kiss him again to try and take away some of the seriousness. He wound up wrapped in Biggs's arms again and somewhere in there, pressed tight against him, the taste of him in his mouth, Luke's world tilted on its axis and then he was lying on his back in the sand with Biggs over him, half on him, half beside him.

It was so much better than anything he'd dreamed of. Biggs's hands were in his hair, on his face, trailing over the bare vee of his exposed chest. His body felt like it was burning from the inside out. The most Luke had kissed anyone up to now had been a few shy "I dare you" kisses exchanged with one of the Anchorhead girls, nothing like this. He was drowning in it, in the taste and scent and feel of this man he'd known for so long, that he'd— _admit it, Luke_ —loved for so long.

When Biggs's mouth left his to follow down his jaw to his neck, Luke's eyes flew open, staring blindly up into the sky while he gasped. The careful scrape of Biggs's teeth against his skin startled a cry from Luke, his hands flying up to to squeeze Biggs's shoulders.

Biggs pulled back, cradling Luke's head, searching his eyes. "Are you okay?" When Luke nodded, Biggs smiled, shaking his head before kissing him again. He rolled onto his back, pulling Luke onto him.

They fit together with the same ease they'd always fit around each other, and Luke squirmed delightedly at the feel of their bodies pressed together.

Biggs laughed and grabbed his waist. "Hold still, will you?"

"I can't!" Luke laughed with him until their eyes met, and they grew serious again. It was a kiss Luke was ready for this time, and it finally dawned on him that he could do more than kiss. He could touch, really touch, not just playful shoves and horsing around. How many times had he watched Biggs working on his skyhopper, stripped to the waist in the afternoon heat, and tried to keep his thoughts in line?

And now he didn't have to. He couldn't stop running his hands over Biggs' chest, so much broader than his, half-dizzy again from the feel of flat planes of muscle beneath his hands, trying to work up the courage to slide his hands under Biggs's tunic, half-afraid he'd lose his mind if he did.

It wasn't an unfounded fear. Biggs's hands dipped low on his back and before Luke even had a chance to squirm, slid still lower, moving possessively over Luke's ass. Luke jerked against him, a messy, loud moan pouring from his mouth into Biggs's. It was too much and not enough at the same time. His cock was achingly hard and he should probably be embarrassed at how eagerly he was pressing it against Biggs's thigh, but he couldn't stop. And Biggs didn't seem to mind.

 _I love you, I love you so much_. He wanted to say it but to say it he'd have to stop kissing, and that was unthinkable. Instead he let his own hands slide lower, resting on Biggs's waist before sliding over his slim hips, delighted to feel him shiver.

Before Luke could get any braver, Biggs stopped, planting a kiss on his cheek and easing Luke on to his side, stretching out next to him. He wrapped his arm around Luke's waist and pulled him in close, resting his chin on Luke's shoulder.

As good as it felt, cuddled next to him, Luke stole another kiss, disappointed when it was short and sweet. "Easy, kid," Biggs said, brushing his knuckles down Luke's cheek. "I just needed to cool down a second."

Luke squirmed onto his side facing Biggs. "I kinda thought cooling down wasn't the point."

Biggs smiled and shook his head. "That's you all over, Luke. Once you make a decision, you're ready to throw yourself in one hundred percent."

Oh. "You're… not?"

"Look at me." Biggs cupped Luke's jaw, stroking his fingers against Luke's skin. "Kissing you is… mmm. Amazing." His smile turned mischievous. "I'd say I can't even imagine what it would be like to get you naked, but I'd be lying, because I can imagine it. I have."

"Then we can!" Luke said, and okay maybe he was a little too eager, but damn it, he'd thought about this for ages too, and Biggs was leaving and…

"Nope." Biggs kissed him, soft and sweet this time. He looked Luke in the eyes, half-serious, half-joking. "Maybe if I hold out on you it'll give you more incentive to come find me."

"You're kidding me, right?" Luke didn't know whether to laugh or cry.

Biggs shrugged, still smiling lightly, but it didn't go near his eyes. "Call me superstitious."

"What do you mean?"

He brushed a strand of Luke's hair away from his face. "I don't want to be with you while we're both thinking that it's never going to happen again. That we're never going to see each other again—seems like asking to make it true."

"But what if—" Luke couldn't make himself say it. _What if that means we never get a chance?_

"You know, there's another possibility." Biggs paused for a long moment, and Luke got the feeling he was debating saying something. "You could come with me."

"What?" Luke raised up on his elbow. "Tomorrow?"

Too casually, Biggs said, "The _Rand Ecliptic's_ got a few passenger berths. Might be one or two still available."

"And… just go, just like that?" Luke sat up, his mind whirling. For all his dreams of getting off Tatooine, could it really be that easy? Just book a ship and go? He didn't even bother to mention money—as soon as he did, Biggs would offer to pay his way.

"Why not? You'll be there when we jump ship, you can join us." Biggs sat up as well, grabbing Luke's hands. "We'll go find the rebellion together."

"I… I can't do that, Biggs," Luke protested. "I don't have any real training or anything. I don't think they need moisture farmers."

"Oh come on, don't play modest. You're a pilot, and you can fix anything that's got a gear in it. They could use you. And… we'd be together. Right from the start."

Deep in his heart of hearts, Luke wanted nothing more, but there was something, something deep in the pit of his belly that told him it wasn't time for him to leave Tatooine yet. That if he left now, he'd miss out on something vital, something important.

"I… can't. I want to. But I can't." He hated himself for saying it, but he could never be anything less than completely honest with Biggs, especially not now.

Biggs's face fell, but just for a second. If Luke didn't know him as well as he did, he'd've missed it entirely. Then the smile was back, and he shoved Luke in the shoulder. "Ahh, it was just an idea. Probably crazy. You should finish school first, you're right."

"I'm sorry, I—"

"Nah, nah. It's fine. Come here." Biggs drew him in with an arm around Luke's waist, stealing another kiss. They wound up lying in the sand again, this time with Luke sprawled across Biggs' chest, and Luke trying to kiss him with all the feeling he had, to try and make up for hurting him—because he knew he had.

It ended long before he wanted it to, with Biggs easing him away. Luke couldn't help it, he whined a little and Biggs chuckled at him. "Sorry."

"Yeah yeah. I'll speed through the Academy and then come find you." He flopped against Biggs's chest.

"Hey, kid. You know I love you, right?" And just like that, he said it. So calmly, like he hadn't just spelled out everything Luke had ever wanted.

"Y-Yeah?" Luke broke into a grin. "Even if I'm not coming with you?"

"Whaddya think, farmboy, I'm going to stop loving you for doing the right thing for yourself?" He tightened his arms around Luke's waist. "Kinda proud of you. Not so long ago you might've said yes just because I asked."

Biggs wasn't wrong. 'No' was not a word Luke applied to Biggs Darklighter very often at all.

"I'll find you," Luke said.

"Yeah, you better. And hurry it up a little."

"And… and Biggs, I l—"

"Don't say it. Say when we're together again."

Luke sighed. "But you—"

"I know, because I wanted you to hear it—in case." He met Luke's eyes. "But I don't think I can leave if you say it back right now. I don't think I could drag myself away."

Luke kissed him and said it that way, then fell back against Biggs's shoulder.

They lay there the rest of the night, exchanging stories and kisses, neither one of them wanting to lose a moment in sleep. When the sky turned gray though, Luke knew he had to get home or risk being gone when his folks got up. And Biggs had a transport to catch.

They stood near their speeders, hands linked together, reluctant to let go. "I'll send messages when I can," Biggs said. "When we're ready to jump ship—I'll try to let you know, okay?"

Luke was already trying not to think of the thousand different things that could go wrong, but he nodded. "Okay." His heart hurt, and fear was trying to crowd out his thoughts.

"If you get a message from me about my aunt, that's the last one I'll be sending you from the _Rand Ecliptic_ , got it?"

"What about after that?"

Biggs pulled him into his arms, wrapping him up tight and holding him close. He tucked his cheek next to Luke's. "I don't know. I'll try. We'll find each other. I know we will." His voice sounded wrong, too tight and thick.

"Sure we will." Luke forced his own voice to sound more cheerful than he felt. "Coupla shooting stars, right?" He swallowed down the lump in his throat.

"Yeah." It was more breath than word, and Biggs hugged him so tight Luke saw stars. "Be careful, skyboy." Then he stepped away, leaving Luke feeling cold before giving him a short kiss.

"Biggs, I—"

Biggs shook his head and put a finger to his lips. "No. Please don't. Don't make it sound like goodbye. Next time you see me."

Luke watched him speed off, knowing that he'd made the right choice, no matter how much his heart ached. He climbed in his own speeder, heading for home.

Someday, he thought. He'd see Biggs again. He had to. And when he did, he'd say everything he couldn't say tonight, do everything they hadn't done.


End file.
